


The Trials and Tribulations of Matthew Holt

by herekittie



Series: To Get to Where They Are, First You Must Know Where They Have Been [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, I'm so happy, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Romance, There's A Tag For That
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8217172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herekittie/pseuds/herekittie
Summary: “Takashi Shirogane is my pilot,” he said, voice flat and monotone. “Takashi Shirogane is my pilot, Katie. Takashi Shirogane.”
  “Yes…?”
  As if someone had flipped a switch, Matt freaked out in a burst of emotion, nearly knocking his head into Katie’s nose when he turned. “Takashi Shirogane, Katie. The Garrison darling! He holds all the records! All of them! Fastest stimulation time, youngest instructor, most liked instructor, and. And.” He looked down at his phone again.
  “Right,” Katie said, drawing the word out. “Your crush.”
  “Yes,” Matt replied. “My crush.”
A 5+1 thing that started as 'times Samuel Holt interrupted Matt and Shiro' but eventually became 'times Matt fell in love with Shiro'





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by [pawbeanandpupper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pawbeanandpupper/pseuds/pawbeanandpupper), who also helped with plotting and gave endless encouragement and support. She did a lot, go give her some love.
> 
> This was my holiday project and now it's time to unleash it on the world. It's complete so I'll be updating daily, look forward to it!
> 
> hmu at [tumblr](http://herekittie-writes.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/herekittiew)
> 
> edit (15/8/2017): this was written with only s1 as reference. by the time you're reading this, many things could've contradicted canon. that's just how it is folks. if it bothers you, consider it an au and, most of all, enjoy.

The email came at eleven at night.

Matt was in Katie’s room, sprawled on her bed, while she typed furiously away at some code on her laptop. It was a quiet night; parents were out on a Spouse Date, siblings were peacefully bonding before Katie was struck by a bout of inspiration about an hour ago and became consumed by her latest project.

Matt opened the email, yawning. It had been a long day. The lab was in chaos trying to prepare for the Kerberos mission. Even though they were only preparing the research equipment and providing one lone personnel, there was still a ton to be done. Matt did not envy the staff handling the actual launch details.

Blinking the sleep from his eyes, Matt read the email. His eyes widened. He read it again. His mouth started twisting vaguely upwards. Once more, to make sure. He could hear his heart beating in his ears.

He felt wide awake now. He felt _reinvigorated_. He felt like he could _scream_.

So he did.

“I GOT IN!” Matt shot up from the bed onto his feet, waving his phone at Katie. Katie was staring at him like he had suddenly sprouted an extra pair of arms or another head, leaning against her chair as far as it would go, conveniently in the direction away from Matt.

“I got in!” He repeated, softer this time, but his excitement was no less dampened. “The Kerberos mission! I’m the researcher!”

“Oh,” Katie said, processing. Then, “Oh!”

She jumped to her feet, a huge grin on her face. “You got in! You get to fly to Kerberos!”

“I get to fly to Kerberos!” Matt grabbed her hand and spun them around like they were little kids again. Unfortunately, Katie’s room was not very big, so Matt hit the corner of her bed a few times and Katie stubbed her toe on her chair twice. Eventually, Katie had to stop because her toe was starting to throb, and Matt had to stop because his thigh probably had a bruise now.

“So,” Katie said once they calmed down a little, “who’s your pilot?”

“Well, the Kerberos mission is the first of its kind, so they’d have to be the best of the best. The higher-ups won’t accept anyone less,” Matt said as he scrolled down. “It’s… Oh.”

“Oh?” Katie climbed onto her swivel chair knees first, leaning her arms on the back, and kicked herself into position behind Matt to peek at the screen. She grabbed onto Matt for support, and read.

“Takashi Shirogane is your pilot!” She shook Matt by the shoulders, her eyes wide. “Guess you weren’t kidding about the best of the best.” Matt did not respond, just continued to stare at the black letters on his phone. “Matt?”

“Takashi Shirogane is my pilot,” he said, voice flat and monotone. “Takashi Shirogane is my pilot, Katie.  _Takashi Shirogane_.”

“Yes…?”

As if someone had flipped a switch, Matt freaked out in a burst of emotion, nearly knocking his head into Katie’s nose when he turned. “ _Takashi Shirogane, Katie_. The Garrison darling! He holds all the records! All of them! Fastest stimulation time, youngest instructor, most liked instructor, and. And.” He looked down at his phone again.

“Right,” Katie said, drawing the word out. “Your crush.”

“Yes,” Matt replied. “My crush.”

“...Do people really call him the Garrison darling?”

“Not to his face.” Matt flopped onto the bed, eyes closed, uncaring of how Katie was almost dragged down with him and of the stink eye she shot at him once she regained her balance. “A year, in a tiny ship, with Shirogane.” He could already imagine the many, many ways he could embarrass himself. “I’m not going to make it.”

Katie rolled closer to him. “It’s not like it’s just going to be you and Shiro, you know.”

Matt’s eyes cracked open and he peered at Katie questioningly.

“The Kerberos mission is a 3-person mission, isn’t it? The pilot,” she extended her index finger, “the researcher,” her middle finger, “and the commander.” She pointed at her ring finger. “Who’s your commander?”

In all the excitement, Matt had completely forgotten there would be a third person. “Let me check.” He unlocked his phone and scrolled further down. “Our commander is…”

Oh. No. Oh no.

Matt let out a sad little cry, dropped his phone to the side, and pressed his palms against his eyes with a whine.

“That can’t be good.” Katie reached over and picked up his discarded phone to find out for herself. When she read the name, she burst out into hysterical laughter.

The name next to ‘Mission Commander’ was Samuel Holt.


	2. 1: First Meetings, First Impressions

Matt’s heart was pounding, his palms were sweaty, and his mouth was dry. He hadn’t been this nervous since his thesis defense.

“It’s not that bad,” Sam reassured him, patting Matt on the back. “We go in, meet some people, take some notes, we go out. You’ll be fine.”

He managed a shaky smile. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Attaboy.” Sam pushed open the door to the lecture hall and walked in, Matt following close behind.

The hall was packed. There were little cards on the tables indicating departments, but right now everyone was mingling. The briefing didn’t start for another ten minutes, so it seemed they were using this time for networking.

Matt swallowed. Where to even start?

Luckily, his father came to the rescue. “Matt!” Sam called. He was already in a conversation with a group of engineers, if their uniforms were any indication. “Over here.”

Matt went gladly, if a little unnerved by the sudden attention. The next few minutes went by with standard introductions, ‘Oh  _ you _ are flying to Kerberos?’, and ‘You look so  _ young _ ’. Matt tried his best to be civil and engaged, but small talk was not his forte. Never had been. He left most of the conversation to Sam, who was more than glad to.

Instead, his eyes wandered around the lecture hall. The rest of the engineers were to the side, chatting with some programmers. A small group of communications officers were rubbing elbows with Mr Young, his lab supervisor, at the front. A bunch of Garrison instructors were crowding around the edge of the group, trying to disperse the communications officers to get their chance to talk. 

And in the middle of the instructor swarm, looking just a little uncomfortable, was Takashi Shirogane. 

Matt sucked in a deep breath and turned away, wiping his palms on his pants. He was not ready for this.

Sam must have spotted him too, because he excused them from the engineers, who were starting to notice something going on at the front, and strode straight for the mass of Garrison grey. 

“Mr Shirogane? Over here!” Sam’s powerful voice drowned out everybody’s, and suddenly all eyes were on Sam. Most of the looks were curious or startled, but those from the Garrison instructors and communications officers were less than amiable. Matt tried to keep smiling, but it was hard when all he wanted to do was walk out of the hall and never look back, mission be damned.

Sam did not have such a trouble. He casually squeezed his way through the throng of very important people towards a very confused Shirogane. Matt stayed at the fringes, watching his father with the same sort of mildly terrified fascination people watched a ship crash with.

“A pleasure to meet you,” Sam said, extending a hand. Shirogane shook it with a smile, as polite as can be, though confusion was evident in his eyes and the tilt of his head.

_ Puppy _ was Matt’s first thought.

“I’m Samuel Holt, commander of the Kerberos mission, and that’s my son, Matthew Holt.” Sam pointed back at Matt, and Matt fought the urge to flee when Shirogane, the very amused Mr Young, and the very unamused instructors all turned to him as one.

“I’m afraid I have to borrow Mr Shirogane for a bit,” Sam said, this time to the Garrison instructors around him. “You know, since we’re teammates and all. Lots to talk about, lots to discuss. Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

Matt watched on with no small amount of pride as Sam extracted both Shirogane and himself from the instructors, easily deflecting meek protests and attempts at stopping them. Did not make him any less anxious, though, since now Shirogane was headed right for him. 

Matt was still not ready. He was starting to think he never will be.

Sam grabbed Matt when they passed and made a beeline for the relatively sparse back corner of the hall. The small group of interns huddled there quickly scattered when they approached, regrouping a few rows below.

“Sorry about that, Mr Shirogane,” Sam said, sitting down. “On hindsight that was a little rude of me.”

“Please, just Shiro is fine,” Shiro said, taking a seat next to Sam. “And it’s alright. Truth be told, you saved me back there.” Shiro smiled. He had a pretty smile, soft and genuine. “I wasn’t quite sure what they wanted me to do there. I thought I was just here for the briefing.”

“Politics, probably.” Matt did not realise he had spoken until both Shiro and Sam turned to him. He quickly sat down. Looking down at them was a little weird and not helping his anxiety situation. “That’s Mr Young, he paid a lot for the Kerberos mission. He’s a good man,” Matt added, having run out of things to say.

“That explains it,” Shiro said, nodding in understanding.

“We are honored to have the opportunity to fly with you, Shiro,” Sam said. “I know we are in good hands. Matt really looks up to you, you know.”

Matt sputtered, face heating up. Next to him, Shiro let out an “Oh”. 

Shiro offered his hand to Matt, smiling again. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Takashi Shirogane, pilot for the Kerberos mission.”

Shiro’s hand was bigger than Matt’s, warm and rough. He hoped his own hand was not too sweaty. “Matthew Holt, but everybody calls me Matt. I’m the researcher.”

“Pleased to meet the both of you,” Shiro said. “Matt, you said you’re the researcher, right? What are you looking for on Kerberos?”

Now this was familiar territory. “Well, Pluto is the last dwarf planet in our solar system, right? And Kerberos is one of its moons, and it’s really, really far away from us because of the way it orbits, so it could be said to be the edge of our solar system. And ice is like, an environmental snapshot into the conditions on Kerberos over years and years, and we could learn so much from it. But the most exciting thing is the possibility of life! Aliens! Alien life! If we can find signs of life at the very fringes of our known galaxy, how cool would that be? It would turn  _ everything  _ on its head.”

Matt turned to Shiro, seeking agreement, but Shiro was just staring at him, mouth slightly agape. Matt blushed and ducked his head, fiddled with his fingers. “Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve said so much.”

“No, no!” Shiro laid a gentle hand on Matt’s shoulder. He smiled the same soft smile, endlessly reassuring. “I think it’s very interesting. This could change everything we thought about space.”

“Thanks,” Matt said, mustering the courage to smile back. When Shiro removed his hand, Matt could still feel its warmth, and he remembered what it felt like to shake Shiro’s hand, and now he kind of wanted to hold Shiro’s hand.

Thankfully, the briefing chose that moment to start, and Matt no longer had to deal with thoughts of hand-holding when note-taking took all of his concentration. His pen scribbled on the notepad furiously, taking down everything of relevance, of which there was a lot. Sure, they’ll probably send out a package with all the information they needed, but it did not feel right to just sit in a lecture hall and not do anything with his hands.

By the time Mr Young finished his concluding speech and everyone was free to leave, Matt’s fingers and shoulders were sore and tired. He reached behind himself and stretched to work the ache out, sighing in relief. Sam announced he needed to leave for a bit, and Matt waved him goodbye with his hands above his head.

He glances down at his notes, and the reality of it started to sink in. 

He was going to Kerberos. He was going to research on something completely new to science, as far from Earth as humans could possibly be. This was it. This could make or break his career.

It was as though he had been floating on a cloud since that night with Katie, and only now were they parting and all of a sudden Matt could see the cold, hard ground rushing up at him.

“I can’t do this,” Matt realised, bringing his hands back down. He was excitable, what if he broke their equipment or their specimens? He was not in the best physical state he could be, with his long work hours and general dislike of exercise, what if, after all this, he was deemed physically unfit to go into space?

Was it still possible to back out? Or was it too late? Jessica from his lab would be a good candidate for the mission, she had steady hands and a clear head and worked out often. Maybe he could talk to Mr Young and get him to put her on the mission instead-

A heavy hand descended on his shoulder, startling Matt out of his thoughts. He whipped his head around, all sorts of frightening scenarios playing out in his head, but it was just Shiro, staring at him, eyes wide with concern.

“Yes, you can,” Shiro said, and oh, did Matt say that out loud?

“You don’t know that,” Matt countered, because it was his nature to be contradictory. It was, like, a pre-requisite as a scientist.

Shiro wisely chose not to reply to that. “That was a pretty dense briefing with a lot of expectations. It’ll stress anybody out. Why don’t we get some food? I’m sure you’ll feel better with a full stomach.”

Matt  _ was  _ starting to feel a bit peckish. “OK.”

Shiro nodded, squeezed his shoulder, then fiddled with his phone. Matt could see him pulling up a map of the area on the screen. “Is Italian good with you?”

“Yeah.” 

Shiro stuck his tongue out as he pulled the map around, just a little. It was cute, like seeing a cat blep.

Warmth filled Matt’s chest, and his mind quieted. His favorite way to destress was watching cute animal videos, and this was close enough. For a moment, he was calm.

Of course, his traitorous brain took this opportunity to make the connection between ‘food’ and ‘Matt and Shiro’ and ‘Matt’s Jupiter-sized crush’ and screamed  _ DATE? DATE! _

Sometimes, Matt wished it were possible to throttle his own organs, but alas, science wasn’t there yet.

Intellectually, Matt knew it was not a date, despite having some factors in common with typical dates. Shiro was a nice person being nice, trying to help his stressed-out teammate decompress and not ruin his future (probably). Shiro probably never even heard of Matt until the team list for the Kerberos mission was released.

This knowledge did little to dissuade his brain, which was about ready to hit the big, red ‘PANIC’ button at the thought of a date-esque situation with his crush who definitely did  _ not  _ reciprocate. He should call it off, right now, before he did something embarrassing and/or something he would regret.

Matt had the first half of Shiro’s name out when Sam dove in between them, peeking at Shiro’s phone screen. “What are you doing?”

Matt jumped and barely managed to stifle a screech. Shiro merely glanced at Sam, then clicked on a restaurant name, as calm as could be.

“We were thinking of getting lunch together.”

Sam clapped his hands together, grinning widely. “Perfect! I was starting to get hungry.”

In Matt’s admittedly limited dating experience, a date was no longer a date when a parental figure was involved. On one hand, because it was very clearly Not A Date anymore, Matt’s brain was less inclined to hit the big, red ‘PANIC’ button. On the other, Matt could not say that he was not disappointed.

“It’s settled then,” Shiro said, getting up. 

All three of them left the lecture hall together, Sam pointedly walking at an angle to Shiro so the lingering instructors could not snatch him back, Shiro engaging Matt in a conversation about his research which lasted the entire walk to the restaurant and most of the conversation during the meal, with occasional comments from Sam.

As far as not-dates went, it was good.


	3. 2: Photoshoots Are Not Fun

Matt found the photography studio with minimal incident and only stopped twice to pet the stray cats that loitered around their neighborhood.

It’s smaller than he expected, no bigger than the Garrison’s classrooms, and smaller still once it was filled with equipment and people. However, unlike the Garrison’s classrooms, the air-conditioning was not working, as Matt learned from the large paper taped to the AC vent with ‘BROKEN >:(’ written on it with angry red marker. It shouldn’t be an issue. He was just here to take a photograph for official Kerberos mission use. How long could it take?

A staff member zipped past Matt, nearly bowling him over. She paused with one hand on the door, then whipped back around at him with wide and slightly bloodshot eyes. The shadows under them were dark and the eye bags prominent.

“Matthew Holt?” She asked, not blinking. It was kind of creepy. Matt nodded and before he knew it, she had his wrist in an iron grip and started walking towards the prep area where she came from. “This way,” she said, picking up the pace, and Matt nearly tripped over his own feet several times trying to keep up.

She released him into the custody of another tired staff member, gave Matt a solemn nod, and went straight for the door without another word, presumably to finish whatever she had set out to do before, leaving him slightly dazed and very confused.

“Sorry about that, Mr Holt.” The staff member - Danny, his ID tag said - waved for Matt to follow him. “It’s been a long day for all of us.”

“I understand.” When audit season starts at the lab, dark shadows and eye bags abound; no one was safe.

“Thanks.” Danny pointed at a corner that had been cut off from the rest of the room with heavy white curtains. “Your suit’s in the changing room. Mr Shirogane is going first, so take your time.”

“My suit?” Matt asked, confused. He was already in his Garrison-issued suit, or did he miss a memo? “Wait, Shiro’s here?”

The studio door slammed open, bouncing off the wall with a loud bang, and a scowling man carrying a large black bag stormed in, shouting for a Jack to bring him a coffee. Danny took one look at the newcomer and paled. “Better get going,” he said to Matt, then dashed to the back of the studio where the other staff were starting to conjugate.

Everybody close to the scowling man moved as one, clearing a path for him, and everybody at the back kept their eyes on the ground and avoided eye contact. A jittery intern set a coffee cup on a side table in front of the backdrop and scampered away. Danny petted his back and gave him a thumbs-up.

That must be the photographer. Matt’s desire to get the photoshoot over with intensified.

To do that, he needed to change, apparently. While the photographer set up his stuff, mumbling angrily under his breath, Matt sneaked across to the changing room, steering clear of the equipment and the photographer.

Shiro was here, just like Danny said, leaning against the wall next to the curtains. He was in his grey instructor’s uniform again. He spotted Matt and waved. Matt waved back with a grin, already feeling better about the photoshoot. At least he was not alone in this, and truth be told, any day he got to see Shiro was a good day.

“Hey,” Shiro greeted when Matt approached.

“Hi.” Matt had to tilt his head up to meet Shiro’s eyes. A part of him noted happily that their height difference was perfect for cuddling. Not that they were going to, but it was nice to know. “I didn’t know you’re having your picture taken today too.”

Shiro shrugged. “The senior officers wanted me to take a new one since I’m the head pilot this time.”

“You’re our only pilot, and you’ve flown solo flights to closer planets before. Weren’t you head pilot then?”

“I was, but they insisted. Between you and me,” Shiro lowered his volume, and Matt leaned in, hyperaware of the space between them, “I think they just want one with the medal.”

Matt straightened, and right there in front of him was a shiny new medal, pinned to the left side of Shiro’s chest. “Oh.”

Nice chest. Also, nice medal.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Danny interrupted in a low whisper, “but you should get changed, Mr Holt. Mr Newton is almost done setting up and he really hates waiting.”

“Yes, right.” Matt nodded at Shiro, who nodded back, and ducked into the changing room.

He froze at the sight awaiting him. The curtain fell back into place behind him.

By suit, Danny had meant his space suit. His thick, heavily insulated, meant for the cold and unforgiving vacuum of space space suit. Matt could already feel the sweaty hell that awaited him, but he had little choice. Mr Newton probably wasn’t the type to like changes to his plans and Matt would like to not piss off his photographer.

Reluctantly, he stripped off his lighter uniform, stepped into the black innerwear, and, with one final grimace, battled his way into the space suit. The stuffing pushed the interior against him, hugging his limbs and torso snugly, as if the suit was giving him a tight bear hug. Matt always felt like he had managed to worm his way into a marshmallow, no matter how many times he wore it.

He left the helmet off, carrying it under his arm instead. Just being in the suit alone was suffocating enough, he didn’t want to wear an enclosed helmet over his head on top of it.

He pushed the curtains away and stomped out. There was little choice in the stomping; the suit’s boots were not meant for delicate footwork.

The photoshoot had begun while he was changing. Shiro was no longer by the wall. It didn’t take long to find him again.

A backdrop with a large Galaxy Garrison logo hung against the left wall and surrounding it were top-heavy lights of varying heights, looking like giant metal sunflowers, and all of them were shining on Shiro, smiling confidently into the camera.

He was bewitching. Matt was totally bewitched. This was worth wearing the suit for.

* * *

An hour later, sitting in front of a fan blowing at full speed with sweat running down his flushed face, Matt changed his mind. Nothing was worth this.

Mr Newton was never satisfied. He kept barking orders to his assistants to move the lights a little more to the left, a little more to the right, Mr Shirogane please turn this way, that way, a little closer, a little further back. The assistants looked resigned, shifting the lights over and over again without complain, and even Shiro was beginning to lose some of his good-natured cheer.

Danny, bless his soul, came by with a damp cloth and several bottles of water after the first twenty minutes and was the one who cleared out the coveted space in front of a fan for Matt. However, he never suggested that Matt take off the suit, despite seeming like he wanted to, and Matt understood, he totally did. Mr Newton didn’t like to be kept waiting, and time Matt needed to get the suit back on was time Mr Newton spent waiting.

Matt did, however, take off whatever he could and loosened wherever he could to get more ventilation. Without a power source for temperature control, the suit was a glorified oven, trapping his body heat in and letting nothing out. It smelled too, the sharp tang of heated plastic and sweat that dug into his nostrils like knives.

Shiro kept sending him worried looks whenever his attention wasn’t needed, and Matt sent back a thumbs-up and a smile every time to reassure him, no matter how hot and disgusting he felt.

Matt gulped down mouthfuls of water, dumped the remainder onto the cloth, and wiped his face and neck. It didn’t do much but it was something.

Then, at long last, Mr Newton said the magic words, “We’re done. Thank you for your cooperation, Mr Shirogane.” If he had the energy, Matt would cheer. Instead, he wiped off any remaining sweat and put his shed pieces back on.

“Mr Holt, we’re ready for you,” Mr Newton called, not bothering to look away from his camera to address him.

Matt sighed, closing his eyes, and took a deep breath. When he opened them, a hand was in his field of vision. Matt looked up at its owner.

“Sorry it took so long,” Shiro said, eyes looking Matt over worriedly. “How are you doing?”

Matt took his hand gladly, grunting as Shiro pulled him to his feet. Wow, Shiro was strong. “Good arm.” Matt petted Shiro’s forearm without thinking, and when his brain caught up to what he did, he quickly answered, “I’m still good. Let’s get this over with.”

Shiro didn’t look convinced. “If you’re sure.” He stared at Matt’s hair for a moment, considering, and ran his hand through Matt’s hair, separating the slick strands and fluffing it up. “There,” he said proudly. “Much better.”

“Thanks,” Matt squeaked out, certain his ears were beet red. He needed to leave, fast. He was not prepared for this.

Almost mechanically, Matt turned on his heel and stumbled onto the backdrop, stood on the spot marked ‘X’, and smiled pretty for the camera. All the while, his heart hammered away in his chest.

For all the trouble it took Shiro, Matt was done in ten minutes. The unfairness of it hurt a little, but mostly he was ecstatic that he could finally take the stupid suit off.

“Just leave the suit in the changing room,” Danny said when Matt ran past him. “We’ll get it cleaned before returning it.” He acknowledged Danny with a thumbs-up.

Matt was out of the suit and innerwear in record time, sighing with relief when the cooler studio air hit his damp skin. He gave himself a cursory wipe down with the cloth, getting rid of the dampness, and put his clothes back on. His shirt stuck to his back the moment he got it over his head but it was bearable. He slung his jacket over his arm and pulled the curtain open. Most of the staff were gone, Mr Newton included, but Shiro was still here.

“Hey,” Shiro said.

“Hi,” Matt said back, walking towards him. “Thought you’d be gone by now.”

“I wanted to apologize for the photographer taking so long with my shot. You looked really miserable in the suit.” Shiro scratched the back of his neck and glanced at the floor. “So I wanted to make it up to you. How about I treat you to lunch? There’s a cafe not far from here I think you would love.”

Again, ‘Food’, ‘Matt and Shiro’, ‘Matt’s Jupiter-sized crush’, and this time, there was no Samuel Holt around.

“That sounds fantastic.” Matt’s voice went a little high at the end, but Shiro didn’t seem to notice. He smiled down at Matt, who smiled up at him, and they stood there for a moment just smiling at each other like goofs. When Matt came to his senses, his first instinct was to run.

“We should get going,” he said, already walking to the lifts.

“Yes, right.” Shiro fell into step beside him, leaning forward to press the button. The tips of his ears were faintly pink. Huh.

Guess Matt was not the only one who suffered in the stuffy studio heat.

* * *

 A familiar man was waiting at the exit to the studio building. Matt’s stomach sank.

When he spotted Shiro and Matt, Samuel Holt waved happily at them.

“Commander Holt,” Shiro said, surprised, “what are you doing here?”

“Well, I had some business in the area and I knew your photoshoot was nearby, so I figured, why not grab lunch together? What do you say?”

Matt and Shiro exchanged looks, and for a moment, Matt could have sworn Shiro looked almost _disappointed_. That couldn’t be right, but when Matt tried to get a second look, it was gone.

“Sure,” he said to Sam. Then, “Matt?”

“Yeah,” Matt said, keeping his words light. “Why not.”


	4. 3: Katie is Best Little Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to lie, this is my favorite chapter.

“Katie,” Matt chirped. “Katie Katie Katie, have I ever told you I am so so so lucky to have a little sister as smart and delightful as you?”

“What do you want,” came the deadpan reply.

Undeterred, Matt carried on. “I left my thumbdrive at home.” He twirled his pen over his thumb. “Could you bring it to me? Pretty please?”

“To the Garrison outpost?” Her voice was calm and steady. This did not bode well for Matt. “In the desert, hundreds of miles away and two hours by a bus that only comes by three times a day, at a station half an hour away from our house?”

“Yeahhh.”

There’s a pause. Matt could practically hear the gears turning in her head, and hoped whatever demand Katie gave wasn’t too hard to fulfill. Sometimes, dealing with Katie felt like dealing with the devil.

Matt was very proud of her.

“I want to meet Shiro.”

And there it was.

Matt took a deep breath, let it out slowly. Truth be told, he was surprised it took this long for Katie to start bugging him for an introduction. Shiro was a hero to her as much as he was to Matt, and he could not, in good conscience, refuse her that, regardless of the consequences. “Deal.”

He could _hear_ her smirk over the phone. “See you in three hours, big brother.”

* * *

 “Hey Matt, I’m here but I can’t get in. The doors need a pass.”

Matt dashed out of his lab and down the corridor to the Garrison entrance, immensely thankful that the school semester was over and there were no loitering students clogging the hallways. “I’m on my way!” He panted. “Don’t do anything!”

“You’d expect a national establishment to have a better security system than this.”

“I’ll let you in! So please don’t!”

“I’m just saying. I’m not risking jail time because you’re slow.”

“I’m running as fast as I can,” Matt whined into the receiver.

“Hmm… Oh!”

“Oh?” Matt replied wearily, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What happened? Katie?”

“Gotta go! Bye! Get here soon!” _Click._

“Katie? Katie!”

* * *

 Matt slammed his pass against the scanner, doubled over and breathing heavily, sweat rolling down his forehead. The scanner beeped, the little light blinked from red to green, and the Garrison doors opened.

Katie was leaning against the wall outside, talking animatedly about something involving lots of acronyms.

Shiro was leaning against the same wall next to her, listening attentively and nodding.

Fuck.

In every scenario he ran in his head, Matt was there in the Shiro-Katie introduction. That way, he could step in and intervene if Katie tried anything funny. He never expected them to meet without him around. Who knows what Katie had done in his absence?

Hoping to salvage the situation, Matt called out, “Katie!” He lunged and draped himself over her, ignoring her yelp and subsequent feeble attempts to push him off. He had the height and weight advantage, he was not going to go down easily. “And Shiro too! Hi, hi, good to see you. What brings you back?”

“Matt, get off me,” Katie grunted, straining her neck to get away from Matt’s sweaty face. “You’re heavy!”

“It’s the muscle.” Matt flexed his arm, and Shiro chuckled.

Shiro. Right. Introductions.

Matt straightened and wiped his brow with his sleeve. Katie, now freed, punched him in the arm in retaliation. He winced. She always had a strong arm.

“Shiro, this is Katie, my little sister,” he said, rubbing the spot she hit. “Katie, this is Shiro.”

“We’ve met,” Katie said dully.

“Didn’t know she’s your sister though.” Shiro smiled at her. “Pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise.” She smiled back. Oh, and there’s the glint of mischief in her eyes. Matt was wondering where it went. “So-”

“Thumbdrive,” Matt cut in, thrusting his open hand in between them. “Do you have my thumbdrive?”

Katie glowered, but she was quick to smooth her face back to neutrality. She dug in her pockets, then dropped a small object into his palm. “You’re welcome.”

“And you’re a lifesaver.” Matt pocketed his thumbdrive. Thumbdrive gotten, introduction given, mission accomplished. Now, to get Katie back home and as far away from Shiro as possible before she could do any damage. “The next bus doesn’t come until eight so I’ll drive you back.”

“You’re leaving already?” Shiro asked, looking just like a puppy left out in the rain. Matt felt like a monster, even though he did absolutely nothing wrong.

Katie gazed up at him, mouth downturned, but there was a twinkle in her eyes. “Can’t I stay a little longer? I’ve always wanted to see the outpost.”

Matt was being double-teamed by the two people he found hardest to refuse. It wasn’t fair.

It took five seconds for his resolve to crumble. “Fine,” he sighed. Katie pumped her fist in victory. “But we’re leaving before eight. Mom will kill me if you aren’t home by ten.”

Katie groaned, but didn’t protest.

“Katie,” Shiro said, drawing their attention, “you said you wanted to see the outpost, right? How about I give you a tour?”

Katie’s eyes sparkled. “Really?” She whispered disbelievingly.

Shiro nodded. “You’d need a visitor’s pass first, though.”

“So let’s get one. Now, right now.” Katie bounced on her heels, practically radiating excitement. Her fingers tugged Matt’s sleeve. “Come on, come on, we’re wasting daylight.”

Matt couldn’t help smiling, laughing as he was pulled along to the guardhouse for her pass.

* * *

 Pass obtained and hung securely around Katie’s neck, Shiro began the tour proper. From the bus stop to the guardhouse, then the entrance, the bulletin boards, classrooms. He introduced them succinctly and simply in a deep and soothing baritone. Matt could listen to him talk forever. Maybe Shiro could look into a side job as a voice actor. He would be great at reading children’s books. He had a good voice for it.

At Shiro’s side, Katie absorbed every word, observing everything pointed out and possibly some things not pointed out. As distracted as he was by Shiro’s honeyed voice, more than once Matt had caught her eyes wandering to corners of the ceiling, where he himself could see light reflecting off lens.

Knowing Katie, she was mentally mapping them all, for reasons only known to her. He prayed that she would never have reason to put her knowledge to use. She was too young to be a criminal.

“And here’s the barracks,” Shiro concluded, gesturing at the door to the student’s wing. “And that’s about it. The simulation rooms are off-limits to visitors, so I can’t show them to you, sorry.”

“Thank you, Shiro.” Katie grinned. “Just this is more than enough. I had tons of fun.”

“I’m glad you did.” Shiro glanced at his watch. “It’s still early. Is there anything else you want to see?”

At that, a sly grin spread across her face. Matt instantly tensed. “As a matter of fact,” she said, turning to Matt, “I have been wondering how my dear big brother has been living.”

Matt’s reply was immediate. “No.”

“Why not?” Katie eyed him suspiciously, studying him like a specimen under a microscope. Matt fought hard not to wilt under her gaze. “Are you hiding something?”

“Of course not!”

“Then there’s no reason not to!” Katie clapped her hands together and nodded to herself, as if it had already been decided.

Matt opened his mouth to protest and looked to Shiro for support, but he just gave Matt an apologetic smile and shrugged.

Katie grabbed his arm and pulled. “Shiro, which way to the staff barracks?”

“Left, then the first door on the right.”

“Shiro!” Matt yelled. Betrayal! There was more Matt wanted to say, but Katie was already marching off, pulling him along, and it took all his focus to stay on his feet. A sense of deja vu washed over him.

Katie rounded on him, tightening her grip. “Pass,” she demanded, holding her hand out.

Matt gave up. There was no arguing with her at this point. “Fine.” He slapped his staff pass against the scanner and the door slid open with a beep, revealing another featureless corridor with more doors. He inserted his pass into the key slot of the third door on the right, shaking off Katie’s hand. There was a click, and Matt opened the door. “Ta da.”

Katie walked into the room, face lit up, only for it to fall in disappointment. “This looks just like your room back home.”

“What can I say? I liked my room.”

A small window at the opposite side, a bed pushed against the wall, a wardrobe, a desk covered with carefully arranged stacks of papers, and a bookshelf stuffed to the brim with books and trinkets. The layout was not exactly like his room back home, but the little touches were the same.

Katie dropped to her knees and peered under the bed. “Did you stash your stuff under here too?”

Matt squawked and went red at the implication, cheeks burning. “I never stashed anything under my bed! I don’t have anything _to_ stash!”

Katie looked back at him, unconvinced. From behind him came the sounds of muffled laughter. Shiro.

Matt was ready for the ground to swallow him up, please and thank you.

“Oh oh!” Katie jumped to her feet, running back to them. “Can we see your room, Shiro?”

“You can’t just ask that, Katie!” Turning to Shiro, he said, “I’m so sorry, just ignore her-” Katie let out an indignant cry. “-and we’ll leave.”

“No, no.” Shiro waved a hand. “It’s fine. We can see my room. I got nothing to hide.”

“Really.” Matt ignored Katie’s smug smirk. “You can say no. I don’t want to trouble you like this. We’ll go home right now-”

“Matt,” Shiro said firmly, and clasped him on the shoulder. Shiro liked that, Matt noted distantly. “I’m fine with it, really. Breathe, and let’s go see my room, ok?”

Matt sucked in a breath and nodded. Huh, no wonder he was starting to get light-headed.

Shiro smiled, running his hand down from his shoulder, along the length on his arm, and took Matt’s hand gently. “This way.”

Matt followed, weakly gripping back.

* * *

 Behind them, out of sight, Katie watched, and remembered.

* * *

 As it turned out, Shiro was two doors down from Matt. He let go of Matt’s hand to retrieve his pass, at which point Matt promptly realized _holy shit I was holding hands with Shiro._

Next to him, Katie was smiling smugly up at him, waggling her eyebrows. Matt’s blush returned and he glared at her. She remained unaffected.

There was a click, and both Holts returned their attention to Shiro.

“Here you go.” Shiro pushed the door open. Katie looked in from under Shiro’s outstretched arm, Matt looked in from the other side of the door frame.

The layout was identical to Matt’s, but there were little things that differed. A small set of weights and a rolled up yoga mat sat at the foot of the bed. His desk was a lot neater too, and there was a tiny potted succulent on the windowsill. It was obviously lived-in but nothing in particular stood out (except maybe the succulent). Just an ordinary room.

Then Katie squealed and dashed in, much faster than Matt could react.

“Katie, no! Get back here!” Matt ran in after her, reaching for her shirt collar, but she was agile and quick on her feet. Matt was much less so. Even though her eyes were glued to the ceiling, somehow she kept evading his hands.

“Alright, time’s up, let’s move on. Dinner, anyone?” Shiro stepped in. “Katie? Matt?”

“Katie! Dinner!” Matt shouted, trying not to bump into the furniture. Katie ignored both of them, leaping to the window and drawing the blinds.

That pause was all he needed. In a second, Matt had Katie’s arm in a vice grip. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He hissed.

“First off, ow.” Katie picked at his fingers until Matt loosened his grip. “Second, look up.” She pointed to the ceiling.

Matt scowled. “What’s u-”

“Matt, no!”

Stars. Stars were what’s up. Many, many, many little plastic glow-in-the-dark stars, all over the ceiling. Matt could see the constellations in them.

“Wow.” His mouth fell open and his fingers relaxed. Katie shook them off easily, but she didn’t try and run.

Shiro sighed and closed the door, snapping Matt back to attention. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was staring at the floor, but Matt could see his cheeks and ears were bright red.

“I didn’t know we were allowed to do this,” he whispered.

Shiro remained quiet, and that was when Matt panicked. Did they mess up? They did, didn’t they? How can this be fixed? How can Matt fix this? He didn’t want Shiro to hate them, they barely knew each other!

But then, Shiro sighed. “Technically, we aren’t. But people rarely think to look up.”

That startled a laugh from Matt. Katie, sensing the dissipating tension, gasped and pressed her hand to her chest dramatically. “Shiro, you delinquent.”

Shiro chuckled warmly, and just like that, the air cleared. He shrugged his shoulders, a smile on his lips. “You can see them better if you lay on the bed.”

“No, we couldn’t,” Matt said instantly.

“I can,” Katie said, flopping onto the end of the bed.

“Katie!” Then, to Shiro: “I’m so sorry about her. I’ll get her out of your hair-”

“Matt, get down here!” A strong tug on the back of his shirt overbalanced him and Matt went down with a cry. He shot right back up, resisting Katie’s pull.

“Stop that, you’re going to stretch out my shirt!”

“Then lay down!”

Shiro sat next to Matt and pushed him down gently. “It’s fine. Just don’t tell on me to Commander Iverson.”

Katie mimed zipping her lips. “My lips are sealed.”

Shiro laid back next to the headboard, and thus next to Matt. Their shoulders rubbed against each other. Matt could feel the warmth of Shiro’s body. Shiro turned to him, and this close Matt could count every lash. Shiro had long eyelashes. “Matt?”

Matt hoped that with the blinds and the setting sun that it was too dark for Shiro to see his blush. He pinched his index and thumb together, and ran the junction over his mouth. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Shiro laughed, his eyes squeezing shut, corners of his mouth pulling up, a sliver of white showing through, and it was _cute_ , so cute, and Matt was in so, so deep.

Beside him, hopefully oblivious, Katie started listing constellations, and Matt looked up at the ceiling. The stars glowed green, dim from age but still going strong. He joined in, picking constellations on the other end of the ceiling-sky. Then Shiro, too, even though he was the one who put them up in the first place and knew them all by heart.

It’s warm here, between two bodies and the lingering heat of the desert day, and he’s warm from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

Matt would treasure this moment forever.

* * *

**Interlude 1**

Matt’s eyes were on the road but with his peripheral vision he could still see Katie smirking at him from the passenger seat. He hunched protectively and narrowed his eyes, sparing her a glance. “What?”

“That was fun,” she said. “Shiro’s nice. I can see why you like him.”

Matt’s shoulders relaxed and his lips lifted into a tiny smile. “Yeah,” he agreed.

He remembered the way Shiro’s face softened, looking so much younger than he usually did despite only being a year older than Matt, as he talked about the constellations, the way he laughed when he recounted smuggling in the stars, the satisfaction in his voice when he talked about the first night he laid back in bed and saw the night sky replicated on his room ceiling by his own hand.

Katie was quiet. Matt drove on.

“If he breaks your heart, I’ll break his face.”

“Katie!”


	5. 4: What Happens in the Lab, Stays in the Lab

“You’re sure it’s fine for me to be here?” Shiro said, looking out the lab window.

“Of course.” Matt dug through the lab’s drawers and located a extra-large lab coat. “Found it!”

He handed the lab coat to Shiro, then tossed a pair of safety goggles on it after some consideration. Shiro caught it effortlessly.

“Honestly, I’m surprised no one introduced you to these before.” Matt slipped on his own lab coat and snapped his goggles into place. Safety first. “If you’re going on a research mission, you should at least familiarize yourself with the equipment. And since there’s going to be only the three of us, I’ll need all the hands I can get.”

“You got a point there, I’ll admit.” Even in the XL lab coat, the material stretched over Shiro’s shoulders. Shiro constantly glanced at his shoulder seams and moved his arms more slowly than usual, as though he was afraid of ripping them. His fear was not unfounded; he’d tried on the large coat just a few minutes before and ripped the sleeves right off. Matt had laughed himself silly while Shiro took it off, red-faced and stammering apologies.

The lab coat also emphasized Shiro’s broad shoulders and muscles, which was nice, Matt would admit. The months they had spent in each other’s company preparing for the mission had desensitized Matt. While before Matt found it difficult to maintain constant eye contact, now he could appreciate Shiro’s muscles without a hint of a blush and still look him in the eyes afterwards.

Then Shiro pulled the goggles on and Matt’s brain stalled for a moment. He was acutely reminded of that one picture Katie had showed him before, where someone had put a pair of human-sized glasses on a cat. Adorable, basically.

He kept this to himself. “Hmm.” He rubbed his chin. “Well, first up is the ice drill. This is the star of the show, as it were.”

The ice drill, currently dismantled, sat in a little pile at a corner of the lab. Matt blew on it a little, then pulled it all out into the open space by the emergency shower. “We use this one to teach new recruits, so it doesn’t have a power source. All your fingers will be safe as long as you don’t stick them in the drill any which way. Every year, I get some joker sticking their hand in but thankfully, no one’s lost a digit. Yet.”

Shiro eyed the drill bit with distrust, standing several steps away from the drill pieces.

Matt readjusted his glasses sheepishly. “On second thought, probably not the best opener, but you’ll be fine! I still have all ten fingers and toes.” He waggled his fingers as proof. Shiro looked no less distrustful, but he took a couple of steps forward. It was a start.

“Alright.” He came to stand next to Matt. “So, how does it work?”

“The whole thing’s a tripod.” Matt squatted down and separated the legs, holding them up to show Shiro. He lifted the joint where all three legs met and started setting it up. “It’s all one big thing, so we just have to pull it up, set it down, and make sure the cable doesn’t get tangled. The drill’s kinda like a pendulum, you know? So it’s in the center, and we lower it down to the ice and flip the power. When the drill’s done, we pull it up by the cable. There’s a button on the cable box so don’t worry about that. Got it?”

“Hm?” Shiro blinked, as though coming out of a trance. “Sorry,” he scratched the back of his neck, “you lost me somewhere.”

“It’s fine. There’s lots to take in. Here-”

Matt’s phone rang, loud in the empty lab.

“Sorry, one minute.” Shiro nodded, examining the tripod leg junctions closely. Matt moved to the side and answered. “Hello?”

“Matt? Where are you?” It’s Sam, of course. He had the world’s best sense of timing.

“At the lab. I’m showing Shiro my research equipment. He’s never seen them before. Do you want to join us?” Matt asked, fully expecting him to take the offer. Sam never missed an opportunity for a team-bonding exercise. In a way, it was good for Matt. Aside from the first few false alarms, he was never guaranteed time alone with Shiro. It helped him focus on the mission and wrestle control over his crush. Now, his brain was less excitable about pressing the big, red ‘PANIC’ button.

He was not expecting for Sam to say this: “Nah. I’ve had a long day. All I really want to do now is stuff myself silly and go right to bed. You two have fun without me. Oh, and that’s your mother calling. Well, bye!”

Matt froze, the phone at his ear playing the dial tone over and over again. Each time it played, Matt heard the words ‘You two have fun without me’ layered over it.

_‘You two have fun without me.’_

_‘You two have fun-’_

_‘You two-’_

Right on cue, his brain smashed the big, red ‘PANIC’ button. Alarms and sirens went off in his head.

This was not a date. This was Matt teaching Shiro how to use the drill in an empty lab after hours. This was not romantic or a date and he needed to stop this, stop this right now because he couldn’t afford to freeze up like this in space, where a moment’s hesitation could mean life or death.

“Matt?”

Matt startled, badly, and crashed into the corner of a bench. Shiro, in turn, jumped back, right smack into a wall. They both groaned, nursing their respective injuries.

“Matt?” Shiro managed. “You alright?”

Matt rubbed his sore hip and nodded, standing up. “‘m fine.”

“You were spacing out a little there,” Shiro said gently, kindly, edging toward him. “Sorry I startled you.”

“Sorry I made you smack yourself against a wall.”

Shiro huffed. “Guess we’re even then.” He searched the lab, and his eyes landed on the drill. “You know, you never told me how the drill works.”

“Huh. You’re right.” Matt shook his head, gathered his thoughts, and took a deep breath. Back to business. He could do this. He stalked back to the setup and lifted the drill. “Well, see, the drill spins in one direction to cut the ice, um, but it also has to spin the other way or it’ll mess up the sample, and, um, it’s double barreled for, two reasons. It’s for… For…”

Shiro waited a moment, then gently prompted, “For?”

Matt rubbed his hand down his face. He knew this, he did, but he just. Couldn’t. Focus. Not with Shiro looking at him with wide, concerned eyes, like he cared about Matt, because he did. Shiro was a nice person, he cared about everyone, but Matt wanted Shiro to care for him in a special way, and he knew Shiro couldn’t. But. He wanted Shiro to.

It was selfish and horrible, but he wanted Shiro to want him the same way he wanted Shiro and he couldn’t hide it anymore. It was like the phone call had broken a dam and now Matt was drowning in the resulting flood.

“Matt, I’m going to take the drill away from you now, ok?” Shiro said. His fingers carefully pried the drill from Matt’s hand. Matt let him, and Shiro dropped the drill. It swung around on its cable before settling back at the centre.

“Do you want to sit down?” Shiro had a hand on his shoulder, not pushing, not pulling, just there. Tactile comfort and physical reassurance. Matt nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment. Strangely, despite the overwhelming emotions before, now he felt still inside. Tranquil.

Shiro pulled a couple of chairs over, one for Matt and one for him. Shiro was so nice. Matt’s heart swelled with love.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The hand was now rubbing soothing circles on the small of his back, and Matt leaned into it.

“Yeah,” he muttered. His voice was rough and patchy. Odd, it was fine before. “Give me a minute?”

“Of course. Take as long as you need.”

Matt organized his thoughts in the silence. Shiro was waiting, his hand a warm presence behind him. Matt should tell him. Confess to Shiro, and end this limbo before he brought this into space.

But he was afraid. Terrified at what this would mean for their friendship. He didn’t want to lose that.

In the end, Matt was a coward, through and through.

Katie wasn’t, though. She was strong, and brave, and certain. She would want Matt to do this, for closure, if not anything else.

Matt couldn’t do it for himself, but he could do this for Katie.

For Katie, then.

Matt took a breath and blurted, “I like you.” He kept his eyes on his hands, fingers twining with each other.

“Um.” Shiro’s hand dropped away. Matt curled in on himself slightly. “I like you too?”

“No, not that sort of like. You know.” Matt growled in frustration, gripping his fingers tightly. “Like, _like_ you like you.”

Matt knew the moment it dawned on Shiro because Shiro let out a little ‘oh’ and fell still beside him. From the corner of his eyes, Matt saw Shiro’s head down, eyes wide, mouth slack.

“Yeah, oh,” he agreed.

“I.” Shiro paused, running his hand through his hair. Tension built in his shoulders and back, then disappeared, and Shiro seemed to wilt. He looked small and sad. Matt never wanted him to look like that, ever, and especially because of him. “I’m sorry, Matt, but I can’t.”

Matt expected that, was prepared for it, but hearing it still hurt nonetheless. “I know.”

They fell into silence again. The air was heavy, thick and tense and hard to breath. He needed to escape, get out, get away, where he could hide and recover, then come back and smile at Shiro and go to Kerberos.

“It’s late. I promised Katie I’d go home today.” Sam took the car, so Matt needed to call a cab. It’s too late for a bus.

To his surprise, Shiro lifted his head and said, “I’ll drive you.”

* * *

Shiro rode a motorcycle. Matt wanted to laugh.

He sat behind Shiro, helmet snug around his head, arms wrapped around Shiro’s waist, and leaned into his broad back to avoid getting thrown off, shouting directions as Shiro sped through the night desert towards town. The air was chilly but Shiro was warm beneath him.

 _Romantic_ , his brain noted when Matt spied the moon through the clouds. The stars above shone brighter than they ever could in the city. The irony.

The drive went by quickly. Before long, they were in the Holt’s driveway, Shiro still on his bike, Matt standing and slipping his helmet off.

“Thanks for the ride.” Matt forced his mouth into a weak smile. Shiro didn’t move, eyes fixed on the handlebar. “Shiro?”

Shiro’s shoulders tensed, and he took back his helmet, but before Matt could release his grip, he pulled hard. Matt gasped and stumbled forward, right into Shiro’s arms. They tightened around him, strong and warm, and Shiro pressed his nose into Matt’s temple.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, then he pulled back, letting Matt go. Helmet in hand, Shiro swiftly reversed out of their driveway and sped off into the sandy plains in the distance.

By the time Matt fully processed what happened, Shiro was little more than a black spot on the horizon.

* * *

**Interlude 2**

The house was dark, all the lights were off. His parents must be asleep. But Matt knew where to find company.

He went up the stairs and knocked on Katie’s door. The sound of shuffling came from behind it, then the door opened a crack. Through it, Matt saw a mess of brown hair and a single brown eye. Katie took one look at him and withdrew into her room, leaving her door open. A wordless invitation.

Matt closed the door gently behind him and collapsed onto her bed. Katie’s at her desk, back to him. Her laptop screen was blindingly bright in the dark.

“You’ll spoil your eyes.” Matt grabbed a pillow. Katie spun her chair around to face Matt and leaned back against it. Little creaks of protest filled the room.

“I take it it didn’t go so well.”

Matt moaned. “It went horribly.” He curled up, hugging the pillow to his chest and burying his face into it. “How am I supposed to face him tomorrow? I shouldn’t’ve done it.” His words came out muffled, smothered.

“Well, at least now you have some sort of closure. You don’t have to pine after him anymore.”

He whimpered. “It doesn’t work like that, Katie.”

“Sorry,” she said with a wince. “I don’t really get, this.” She waved a hand in his general direction.

“It’s fine,” Matt sighed. Exhaustion took over him, physically and emotionally. It took great effort to lift his head so he didn’t suffocate.

“Maybe act normal?” She suggested. “You’ve been doing that since you met Shiro, right? So just act the way you’ve acted for the past three months. Pretend your crush doesn't exist.”

“Easier said than done.” Matt shut his eyes, rolling away from the glare of Katie’s laptop. “Can I crash here for the night?”

“Sure. Get some sleep. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Matt slowly fell asleep to the sound of Katie typing away on her keyboard. But before he fully succumbed, he mumbled, “Don’t break his face.”

Katie huffed a laugh.


	6. 5: Don't Mess With the Holts

Shiro was avoiding Matt.

It hurt to admit but it was the truth. Shiro avoided any and all eye contact vehemently, communicated with Matt pretty much exclusively through text and only when absolutely necessary, and always managed to find an excuse to not be in the same room alone with him. Once, Matt walked into a room and Shiro, who had just came in from another entrance, immediately did an about-turn and marched right out.

This was not sustainable. This was dangerous, even. In a week they’re going into space and if this tension continued, it would be disastrous and could mean their deaths. In space, no one can hear you scream.

It’s all Matt’s fault, this much he knew and accepted. His stupid, dumb crush destroyed their friendship and now it was putting their work relationship in peril. He had to fix this, by any means. Apologize, compromise, turn back time.

This was his mess to clean up, and Matt would do it gladly.

Now, if only Shiro would fucking cooperate.

Unsurprisingly, it was hard to talk to someone passionately avoiding you. Matt was not physically quick or agile, nor was he strong in any meaningful sense of the word. Meanwhile, Shiro had a whole head on him and was in a completely different weight class. In addition, Shiro had the senses of a skittish rabbit; there was just no way to sneak up on him. The odds were stacked against Matt.

So the logical thing to do was to change the playing field. Remove all advantages, render all information useless. Overload him with new information, new situations, push him into a corner, then pounce in a moment of weakness.

Matt took out his phone and called his secret weapon.

“Hello? Matt?”

“Hi Mom!”

* * *

Sam rubbed his chin. “Team dinner here, huh?”

Matt nodded. “With the launch coming up so soon, I feel that team bonding is more important now than ever.”

“Let’s do it,” Beatrice said. “It’s not fair that only the three of you got to meet Mr Shirogane. I want to meet him too.”

Sam chuckled. “Well, that settles it then. I’ll ask him tomorrow.”

* * *

“I still don’t like him,” Katie said, crossing her arms over her chest. “But I’ll do it.”

Matt wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, nuzzling the top of her head. “You’re the best.”

* * *

Matt made sure Sam answered the door. Less chance of spooking Shiro, more difficult to back out at the last minute. It wasn’t easy, involving a good sense of timing and believable stalling, but he did it.

Matt was setting the mashed potatoes down when Shiro came into view. His eyes kept flickering left and right, taking in the Holt house layout.

Shiro’s eyes landed on Matt, and Matt fought the urge to look away. He stood his ground, pulling his lips into a smile, and felt a burst of victory when Shiro dropped his gaze to the dining table.

Step one was complete.

* * *

Step two was all up to Katie, and she did beautifully. Admittedly, it was a little cruel, but that didn’t stop Matt from getting a kick out of it.

Example one:

“Could you pass the gravy, Katie?” Shiro asked.

Katie took the gravy boat, looked Shiro straight in the eyes, and poured gravy onto her mashed potatoes until there was not a speck of yellow remaining on her plate, and then some. “Sorry,” she said, setting the empty gravy boat down, “we’re out.”

Beatrice shot Shiro an apologetic look. “I’ll get you more, sit tight.” Then, as she passed Katie, she gave her a look that clearly said ‘I don’t know what you are doing but you are going to stop it and stop it now or so help me’.

Katie smiled innocently at her drowning potatoes and scooped a spoonful into her mouth.

Example two:

“So Shiro,” Beatrice said, cutting into her meat, “are you excited about the mission?”

Shiro swallowed his now-gravy-covered potatoes. “Very much. It’s an honor to get the opportunity to fly with someone as decorated as Commander Holt.”

“So it’s not an honor to fly with the Galaxy Garrison’s undecorated but most promising astrobiologist?”

Sam coughed into his fist. Beatrice’s eyebrow twitched. Matt pretended to wipe his mouth to hide his smile.

Shiro cringed and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

Example three:

“Matt, Katie, could you two bring the dishes in?” Beatrice asked, carrying the empty potato bowl away.

Shiro rose from his seat. “I’ll help you.”

Katie whipped around and jabbed a finger in his direction. “No, you sit down. I don’t want you breaking anything else.”

Matt grabbed his plate and scurried away to the kitchen before anyone could notice his blush.

* * *

Step three was also up to Katie. Matt was going to owe her big time for this.

Dining table cleared, dessert eaten, everyone relocated to the living room. Sam turned the channel to an old documentary about birds of paradise and settled into the couch with Beatrice while she bombarded Shiro with questions.

In a lull between questions, Katie cut in. “Shiro? Can I talk to you for a sec? Upstairs, preferably.”

Shiro blinked. “Um, sure.”

“This way.” Katie marched up the stairs, and Shiro followed after some silent encouragement from Sam and Beatrice, leaving them to get lost in David Attenborough’s soothing narration.

“I realized,” Katie began, her back to Shiro, “that I haven’t exactly been nice to you during dinner.”

“I don’t blame you.” The stairs led to a long corridor, two doors on either side and one at the end. Katie stopped outside one, turning around and keeping her eyes on the ground.

“And I want to make up for it. Since you let us in your room, I figured I’d let you into mine.” She turned the knob, letting the door crack open on its own. “Ta da.”

Shiro looked at the opening door, then at Katie (who still refused to meet his eyes), and back again. “Thanks?”

Katie shook her head. “No problem.” She stood there, watched as Shiro gingerly pushed the door wider and stepped in. One step, two steps, three.

Once he was in deep enough, Katie pulled out her phone and sent a text.

_To Matt:_

_He’s in._

* * *

Matt closed the door behind him as he entered Katie’s room. Shiro had his back turned, reading the coding posters on the wall. When the door clicked shut, Shiro turned his head, mouth open with a comment.

When he saw that the newcomer was not Katie but Matt, his face fell into an expression of abject terror that swiftly turned into one of resignation. His shoulders dropped and his gaze fell to the side.

“A Holt ambush. I didn’t know you were this devious.”

Matt didn’t take the bait. “Why are you avoiding me?”

Shiro inhaled sharply and crossed his arms. “You know why.”

“Yeah, I do, but _I_ was the one who got rejected. I should be the one avoiding you.” Matt stepped forward. “This isn’t about that.”

“Yes, it is,” Shiro snapped, but he wasn’t lifting his head.

“I don’t see how it is,” Matt countered, making sure to keep the door between him and Shiro. He was not as broad as Shiro was, but Katie’s room was small enough that Matt’s frame was sufficient to block the way. He kept to the side where the doorknob was just in case.

Shiro was silent.

This was going nowhere. Matt clenched his fists, fingernails digging crescent indents into the flesh of his palm. “Then _tell me_ . We’re taking off in a _week_ . Whatever this is,” he gestured between himself and Shiro, “can’t go up there. You can’t even _look_ at me now, how are we going to work together on the ship? I’m trying here, but all you do is run away! What do you want me to do, Shiro?”

Shiro was stubbornly quiet. His fingers gripped his forearms tightly, knuckles turning white. Shiro still won’t look at him. Matt’s chest was burning hot, like a fire was raging inside him. His eyes were stinging.

“ _Talk to me_ ,” Matt demanded, reaching out to him. For what, he wasn’t sure himself, but that got a reaction.

A violent reaction.

One second, Matt was on his feet, scowling, and the next he was on the floor, wind knocked out of him, back against the door and aching. There was a spot on his shoulder that hurt, it might end up bruising.

“Ow,” he whined, holding his injured shoulder with a hand. His head felt fine, so there was that small mercy, but his ass and the base of his spine were tingling with little sparks of pain.

Above him, Shiro looked down at Matt, wide-eyed and horrified.

“Shit,” he whispered. “Matt, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He reached out his hand. “Are you OK?”

 _Are you OK?_ Shiro asked, and Matt felt like screaming.

“No!” Matt slapped Shiro’s hand away. His eyes were  _burning_ now, shit. He drew his legs in and buried his face in between his knees. His nose was stuffy and there’s a choked feeling in his throat. Damn it, not now.

He breathed in, and his breath rattled. Great, just great. His body’s sense of timing sucked. Maybe if he ignored it hard enough, his body would stop and go back to normal. Stop shaking, stop choking, stop crying.

From below, Matt could hear bird calls. No one came storming up demanding answers so they probably didn’t hear him. Just as well. He didn’t want his parents walking in on this.

Shiro was hovering over him, Matt could tell from his shadow, but he didn’t say a word. There was a soft sigh, and the rustle of clothing. Matt raised his head just enough to peek over his knees.

Shiro was sitting on the floor next to him, leaning against the wall. His eyes were closed and his brows were furrowed, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

Matt swallowed. “I’m sorry,” he forced out, voice high and tinny. “I’m sorry for pushing you.” He buried his face in between his knees again. “I’m sorry for ruining things between us. It hurts that you’re avoiding me, you won’t even look at me now. I never meant for this to happen, I never wanted this to happen. I just wanted things to go back to normal, to before…” He sniffled, rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. “I’m sorry for loving you.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Matt saw movement. He pressed on.

“Could we just forget about that night at the lab? I’ll get over you, I promise.” Matt breathed in, clearing his airway, filling his lungs, and felt marginally better. The magic of a good cry. “And we’ll go back to normal and fly to Kerberos and finish the mission. Then you’ll never have to see me again.”

That was probably for the best. Matt would get over this stupid crush, Shiro would move on, and they would both close this chapter of their lives.

Matt lifted his head, rubbing away the lingering tears. Shiro had his face in his hands, knees drawn in like Matt. “Shiro?”

Shiro sighed. “I like you.”.

“What?” That couldn’t be right. Matt must had heard wrong.

“I like you,” Shiro repeated. “That’s why I’ve been avoiding you, because you like me back.”

“I’m sorry?” Matt stiffened as a possibility came to mind. He didn’t want to think this of Shiro but if it was-  “If this is some prank-”

“No!” Shiro dropped his hands and turned to Matt with a horrified expression. “No, it’s not. I swear.” His eyes fell to the ground between them. “I like you, as in _like_ you like you.”

It hit Matt like a punch to the gut. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Shiro agreed, “oh.”

“But, then why…?”

“Because I didn’t want to jeopardize the mission. If things get ugly between us, there’s not a lot of space to run to in a tiny ship.” Shiro laughed dryly. “But looks like I ended up doing it anyway.”

“Ironic.” That got a small burst of genuine laughter from Shiro, and it warmed Matt’s heart to hear it again. It was getting easier to breath.

But the peace didn’t last. “So, what now?” Shiro asked.

“We could try.” Shiro opened his mouth to protest, but Matt continued. “I don’t want to jeopardize the mission either, and I can’t say that I don’t want to try, but things can’t stay as they are now.” You avoiding me, me bursting at the seams with guilt, Matt didn’t say out loud. “If things don’t go well between us, we end it. If it spills over to work, we call each other out on it. Now that we know firsthand how much we’re threatening the mission with this, if it ends, we can make better choices. And if it ends, we never speak of it again.”

Shiro kept his eyes on the ground. Matt gently wiped his face clean of tears and tear stains as he waited.

“Ok,” Shiro whispered, and for a moment Matt couldn’t believe his ears. “We’ll give this a shot. But if this goes south, we end it, a clean break. It doesn’t spill over to the mission.”

Shiro raised his head, looking at Matt with gentle eyes and a soft smile on his lips. Finally. Matt couldn’t help his growing grin. His chest swelled with love and hope. He felt warm and fuzzy all over.

But more than that, he felt relief. Shiro’s not running away from him anymore, they’re friends again, and that was all Matt ever wanted. A boyfriend was just a bonus.

Shiro held out his hand, curling in all his fingers but his littlest. “Promise?”

“Ok,” he said with a faint smile, wrapping his little finger around Shiro’s. “I promise.”


	7. +1: Here Comes the Fluff

It started with the cake.

Someone from mission control brought it into the pantry while Matt was having lunch and started playing fridge tetris to make space.

“Special occasion?” Matt asked, curiosity pipped.

Mission control lady nodded as she surveyed the fridge contents critically. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“It’s Shirogane’s birthday.” She grunted as she pushed aside a large glass dish and shoved the cake box in. “We’re having a small party before launch. You want in?”

“It’s his _what_!”

She winced. “You missed the memo, huh.”

Matt stood up, nearly knocking his chair over, already packing his things. “I have to go. Is there a gift shop nearby?”

“We are at a government facility.” She looked very unimpressed. “Of course there is. First floor, visitor’s entrance, next to the help desk. Can’t miss it.”

“Thanks!” Matt shouted, zipping past her and out the pantry.

* * *

Katie’s there when he nearly crashed into the help desk’s corner after underestimating his turn.

“Sorry!” He said to the receptionist, who had one hand on the silent alarm button under her desk. “Please don’t press that. I don’t want to get dragged off by security. I’ll miss launch.”

She withdrew her hand, but never took her eyes off him while he got his feet back under him.

“What’s gotten into you?” Katie asked, fiddling with her guest pass. “And where’s Dad?”

“Shiro’s birthday,” Matt said, recalibrating his position and striding off to the gift shop. “I need a present. Dad’s with the engineers.”

“Ah.” Katie followed after him without another word. Suspicious.

Matt spared her a glance, gears in his head turning. “You knew.”

“Thought you did too.” Katie picked up a bar of freeze-dried ice cream. “What with the hero thing and the crush thing and all.”

“But you forgot about the Kerberos thing.” Matt grabbed a stuffed alien by its long green neck and stroked its egg-shaped head. “Think Shiro would like a plushie?”

“If he wants to cuddle, he could cuddle you, couldn’t he?”

Matt considered that for a moment. “Nah. Sleeping bags aren’t big enough for two.”

“Huh.” Katie picked up a packet of freeze-dried grapes. “Pity.” She squinted at the text on the package. “Aren’t these just raisins?”

“Space raisins.” Matt put the alien plush back on the shelf and surveyed his choices. Aside from the alien plushies, the collection of freeze-dried food, and the tacky souvenir keychains and magnets, there was not much else. “Space pen?”

“Don’t you guys have a bunch already?” Katie set the space raisins down and moved on to space bananas.

“You’re not being very helpful.” Matt rubbed a hand down his face and groaned. “Ugh. I’m the worst boyfriend ever.”

“I’m getting these. Good luck with your gift hunt.” Katie headed for the very amused cashier with her pack of freeze-dried bananas and paid for them while Matt considered the green giraffe alien again. “But don’t get the green giraffe,” she said over her shoulders, and Matt dropped the plushie with a pout.

* * *

Matt got the green giraffe alien plushie anyway.

Overwhelmed by mild panic and an ill-timed bout of impulsivity, he hurled it at the counter from the other end of the shop and made the cashier scream bloody murder. Katie did not approve of either of his choices.

(“It’s hideous.”

“It’s supposed to be. I think.”)

* * *

Turns out, when the lady from mission control said party, she really meant gathering everyone into the station’s pantry, singing the mandatory and traditional Happy Birthday song, cutting the cake, and dispersing immediately while simultaneously scoffing down your slice because launch was in two hours and _everything_ needed to be checked again.

In the span of ten minutes, the pantry went from overflowing with people (including some Matt was sure had nothing to do with the Kerberos mission and who had in fact gatecrashed solely for cake), to only Shiro and the Holts, featuring stray birthday cake crumbs.

“This is good cake,” Katie said around a mouthful, already reaching for more. “Can I take some back home? Mom needs to try this.”

“Go ahead,” Shiro laughed from his seat at a nearby table. On the table was a small mountain of unwrapped gifts, many, many, many of which Matt recognized from the gift shop downstairs. A vast majority of them were freeze-dried foods, most likely chosen for practicality since they could be safely brought into space. A few of them were space pens of various colours, likely chosen for the same reason.

There was only one green giraffe alien plushie, and it sat atop Mount Gifts like a king, lovingly placed there by none other than the birthday boy himself, judging them all with its large red button eyes.

Matt didn’t know if he should be proud or spontaneously combust from embarrassment. Probably both.

“It’s too bad Mom couldn’t make it,” Matt said instead. “She would’ve loved the gift shop.”

Sam jerked back, his nose scrunching up. “Then it’s probably for the best she had to fly out of the country. Green _does not_ go with our living room decor.”

“I don’t know,” Shiro said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Green would go with your red curtains, like a Christmas theme.”

Matt and Katie both erupted in laughter at the horrified yell Sam let out at the thought.

“I trusted you, Shiro,” Sam groaned.

Shiro shrugged his shoulders with a look that said _What can you do?_ and Matt wanted to kiss the smile right off his face.

 _God_ , he was so hopelessly in love.

Matt knew he must be making a dopey face because Katie’s snickering behind her hand, but did he care? Not at all.

He hooked his ankle around her chair leg and yanked it hard enough to unsettle her, but that was just a normal Big Brother thing, completely unrelated to the concept of revenge.

* * *

The insecurity kicked in an hour before launch, while Matt was wrestling his way into his space suit.

Shiro was twenty-four years old, way too old to be receiving _plushies_ as gifts, and it wasn’t like Matt put a lot of thought into it, given his limited choices at the time. It was a bad gift. It was a horrible gift. Matt needed to do better.

Problem now was the same problem he had less than three hours ago. He had nothing to gift.

“I have nothing to gift,” Matt lamented into his phone.

“I thought the green giraffe alien was supposed to solve your birthday problem. Also do you think you could write in and tell the Garrison to install seating in the viewing gallery? My legs are _killing_ me.”

“You could use the exercise,” Matt said, earning him an indignant squawk. “And the green giraffe isn’t going to cut it, Katie. Shiro’s a grown-ass man and I only picked that because my other options were freeze-dried fruit or pens. I’m his _boyfriend_ , I should be giving him better gifts. I should be better than this.”

“Matt, Shiro loves the green giraffe alien. God knows why but he does. To be frank, you could give him just about anything and he’ll love it just because it’s from _you_.”

“But,” Matt tilted his head, resting his temple on the side of his suit collar, “it could be _better_.” In a softer voice, he added, “ _Shiro_ deserves better.”

“Ah…” Katie replied. “It’s a sappy cheesy thing.”

Matt pouted, even though Katie had no way to see him. “It’s a _romantic_ thing.”

“Like I said, sappy cheesy thing.”

He huffed, but let it be. “We’re leaving Earth soon and there’s nothing in space besides space rocks, and I can’t give him space rocks.”

“Well, since it’s a sappy cheesy thing, why not do a sappy cheesy thing?”

At her words, an idea came to Matt, clear as day. It was so simple. How did he not think of this before? “Katie, you’re a genius.”

“I know,” she said, smug. “Good luck.”

* * *

“I don’t think we should be in here,” Shiro said, trying to make sure he didn’t knock anything over with his butt. It was a nice butt. Matt would like for it to knock into him, but now was not the time.

“It’s just for a few minutes.” That was true. They needed to be in their seats for the final check before launch soon (holy shit they were really doing this, Matt’s going to _Kerberos_ ), and Sam’s probably already there, so all the more reason to get this over with quick.

“Ok,” Shiro said, flashing that gorgeous smile at him again.

“Ok,” Matt replied, and took a deep breath. Now’s the time. Do it. Do it now.

Now. Right now.

Any second now.

“Matt?” Shiro cupped his face gently, resting his thumb on Matt’s cheekbone. “You’re turning a little red there.”

That he was. Matt exhaled and inhaled deeply again. “Sorry,” he said, voice pitching a little at the end. “Just a moment.”

“I’d say take your time, but we’re a little short on that now.”

Yes, Matt knew, his internal timer was counting down the seconds until Sam noticed something was up and came investigating, and it would be very very difficult to explain away why Matt and Shiro were in the ship’s equivalent of a janitor’s closet in a very compromising position.

Of course, it was not _the_ most compromising position possible, but that was not relevant right now.

“Right. So, birthday, yours. My gift was terrible.” Shiro started to frown and he opened his mouth, presumably to counter Matt, but Matt didn’t let him, pressing a hand against his chest to shut him up. “It was not the best I could’ve done. So. This is the best I can do, now.”

“This-”

Matt gave himself no time to rethink his decision. He took a step forward into Shiro’s space, lifted his heels, and raised his head, catching Shiro’s lips mid-word with his own.

Shiro froze, tense under Matt’s hands, and oh no Matt did a bad, Matt did a very big bad. Abort abort abort-

But then, Shiro’s arm wrapped itself around Matt’s waist and the hand cupping his cheek titled his head slightly, to a better angle, and Shiro’s lips started moving against his own.

Shiro was good, really good. Matt melted under his ministrations, his eyes drifting shut in bliss. He copied Shiro’s movements, meeting him halfway, even daring to nip his bottom lip. That earned him a low growl, resonating from deep within Shiro’s chest, and if that wasn’t the hottest thing ever, god _damn_.

Shiro drew back first, and Matt whined unhappily, clutching at the front Shiro’s suit. His cheeks were flushed, his lips puffy and slick. Matt was sure he was no better, probably even worse.

“Happy birthday,” Matt said, nuzzling into his palm.

Shiro chuckled, corners of his eyes wrinkling. “Best birthday gift ever,” he said, leaning down for a second kiss.

* * *

Later, after they stumbled out of the tiny cleaning closet and made themselves presentable, Shiro said, “But I’m keeping the plushie.”

* * *

(Later later, when they were well on their way to Kerberos and the adrenaline had had time to run through his system, Matt went to his room to unpack. In addition to standard equipment, they were each allowed to bring onboard a small box of personal belongings.

When he opened his box, Matt saw something unfamiliar in it and dug it out. When he recognized what it was, he could not help laughing. Shiro, in the room next to his, came over, and Matt waved him in with tears in his eyes.

When Shiro noticed what Matt had in his hands, he let out a tiny gasp of delight.

It was several packages of glow-in-the-dark stars, tied together with a length of green ribbon. On it was a sticky note. It read:

_Happy birthday. Have fun._

_-Katie_ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **daughtry voice** It's not over~
> 
> I did say it _started_ as a 5+1 thing. One last chapter, then we're done!


	8. -6: Now Back To the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for canon-typical violence and blood mention.

Matt’s heart was beating furiously, it felt like a bird had been shoved into his chest and was fighting desperately to escape. He had to force his breaths into something resembling an even rhythm. In, hold, out, in, hold, out. One foot in front of the other, carefully timed so he would not walk into the alien in front of him (a real _alien_ , aliens were real, all too real) and so Shiro behind him would not walk into him.

Matt took small comfort knowing he was not alone, then guilt hit him square in the chest. He should not be glad Shiro was here. They were walking to their deaths.

The sentry leading the line stopped in front of a red translucent barrier, and Matt knew this was it. The death march was over.

Matt was an astrobiologist. His physical training was limited to the astronaut training needed for going into space. He was small, and weak, and frail. From above them, he could hear the chants and cries of the audience, eager for blood and violence. There would be no mercy there.

“I’m not going to make it,” Matt realized. It was a simple and logical conclusion, based on all the facts he had. The next was just as natural. “I’ll never see my family again.”

“You can do this,” Shiro assured him, and Matt bit down the insane urge to laugh.

No, he couldn’t. Matt was not a fighter, never had been. Flight over fight, for as long as he could remember. It would be over in a minute. The most he could hope for was a painless death, and even that he might not get.

There’s a flash of bright red light ahead, and Matt squinted instinctively. The barrier had risen, and when his eyes recovered, he saw the sentry pointing the alien sword straight at him.

 _You first_ , it said wordlessly.

It was time to go.

Matt stared. He analyzed the sword, its shape and design and grip, how he would hold it, swing it, guard with it, because he was not a fighter but a scientist, and analyzing was what he did best, what he could always fall back on.

His eyes were starting to sting but they remained dry, as though they knew there was no point. He lifted his head, resigned and ready.

Suddenly, there was a shout behind him, and a deep, frightening growl.

_Shiro?_

A rough hand yanked him back violently, and Matt lost his balance, falling into the strong arms of another alien prisoner (green, kind of froggish). In the moment it took for him to get his feet back under him, Shiro had darted past him and wrenched the sword out of the sentry’s grip.

Shiro was looking back at them now, at Matt, and Matt could not look away. A million questions were at the tip of his tongue.

His shoulder ached where Shiro’s fingers had dug in. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. What was Shiro thinking? “Shi-”

“This is my fight!” Shiro announced. He brandished the sword as if to emphasize his point, and Matt knew the exact moment those unfamiliar eyes landed on him, saw the cold and cruelty in them the same moment the other prisoners did, because everyone backed away as one.

Matt was too slow, shock made it so his limbs wouldn’t cooperate with his brain, and primal fear flooded every cell of his being as he saw Shiro take a step forward, lift the sword, and swing.

The clean edge of the blade sliced Matt’s knee wide open, and he screamed. He fell back, this time onto the cold metal floor, tears flowing freely as pain shot up his leg. Blood ran down his shin, soaking his pants. The other aliens cried out in alarm and retreated, hugging the walls, none eager to be next.

Matt bit his tongue, hurt and confusion rattling around inside in equal measure, eyes squeezed shut as though it would dampen the pain. This couldn’t be happening. Shiro would not turn on him like this. The Shiro he knew was gentle and sweet and protective. Not this... this imposter.

“I want blood!” Then the imposter’s on top of him, screaming into his face and pinning him down by the shoulders. It was an almost familiar weight, and Matt knew from experience there was no way he was getting out. This close, Matt could see every detail. Teeth bared and beautiful features distorted by rage and bloodlust, Matt couldn’t recognize Shiro anymore.

That scared him more than the Galra, more than the arena, more than the knowledge of his fate, because he _knew_ Shiro. Matt had laughed with him and played with him and loved him, and this rattled him to the core.

His throat was closing up, his breaths were becoming erratic, eyes wide with fear.

The imposter’s face softened. He looked almost in pain. Softly, for Matt’s ears only, he whispered, “Take care of your father.”

Then the sentries were pulling him off of Matt and shoving him onto the platform with the barrel of their guns.

This, this was the Shiro Matt knew. Smart and kind and so, so selfless. His eyes stung, and this time he had to blink furiously to clear his vision. He needed to see this.

A cool hand gripped his arm and someone came to kneel beside him, but this alien (grey-skinned, many arms) was staring at Shiro. They all were.

Shiro twisted in the sentries’ grip, fighting back, and his head turned just enough for Matt to see his face again. The powerful rage and bloodlust were gone. Now he just looked terrified.

Their eyes met for a brief moment. Shiro smiled. It was tiny, no more than a quirk of his lips, quivering and uncertain, just for him.

The sentries shoved him forward and the barrier raised again. The platform clanged and rose, lifting Shiro out of sight.

The cries of the audience grew stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to all my readers and special thanks to everybody who left kudos, comments, and bookmarked this thing! I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> This fic has also prompted me to start a series. I'll be doing the rest of the paladins if anybody's interested.
> 
> With that, I bid you goodbye. Until we meet again!


End file.
